Peaceable Kingdoms, Cheap Shots and Empathy
Almost like two different sides to the same coin and I know which side non-denominational Evangelicalism lines up with.
This is one of those “Calm blue ocean, calm blue ocean” moments that I frequently have while pondering life, Costa Rica and how badly faith can derail. So here’s the ‘calm blue ocean’ I keep muttering to myself.
Las Catalina’s calm slice of ocean at Playa Danta. My peaceable kingdom.
One of the things that surprised me nearly 15 years ago when I started tracking all the bad behaviors in high demand religious organizations was the vitriol, the nasty accusations and words spilled towards anyone daring to say that some small thing, or bit of theology was toxic. I learned early on in my writing career post cult church to develop an enormously thick skin. It’s thicker than elephant hide by now even as some of the funniest stuff sometimes happens when critics get it wrong. Examples include the time a ladies Bible study reached out to myself and the lady who started “No Longer Quivering.” This unknown Bible study lady emailed me to tell me that their group was praying that myself and the original founder both got uterine cancer. After I picked myself laughing off the floor I pointed out to the cancer-wisher than they would have to pray to have that organ restored miraculously in each of us before we could be stricken with that type of cancer. Who prays someone else gets cancer?
Through the years I’ve seen some of the worst things justified by toxic belief, and come to some big realizations about those that throw cheap shots. Anyone relentlessly scrutinized for days, weeks, months on end will eventually give their detractors something to use as fodder to take a cheap shot at them. Particularly true because your actions and words could be the purest in the world but there will always be those that it’s the negative they are always looking for. Solely looking for. Twisting positives into negatives to hurl at you.
Once the knives come out there is no satisfying them until there is blood. You cannot smile, frown, or yawn without someone somewhere decrying your every day actions as some sort of inappropriate complete indifference or some atrocity you supposedly committed - then congratulations! You now have a cyber metaphorical lynch mob that would not know a truth about you if it bit them on the rumpus!
Again, I laugh this stuff off. It’s why I started “Jerks 4 Jesus” and put zero stock in people telling me about myself. I know me, so the darts miss. But lately I am sadly watching people I know to be kind decent people end up in that sad space when those you’ve loved and supported turn on you. I try to talk to folks when this happens because it’s literally the most common thing ever online. It hurts especially the first time, and when you’re not expecting it. For me that moment was when people at my old church turned on me merely because the husband decided to attend the Methodist church, like I’d done some sort of horrendous moral failing instead of what it was — him moving on to a different church.
Dear friends, just don’t take that stuff in. Let it roll off your back like water off a duck’s back. Or laugh over the sheer silliness of the attacks. There’s something inherently funny in the petty outrage of others. Hold onto that funny and it does become easier.
There is just something about the space we’re in as a society ‘right now’ that decries the things talked about as important in Micah 6:8, that whole “seek justice, love mercy, walk humbly with your God” In fact there’s a Christian book being published in a few days I keep seeing prominent Christians promote. The title is “Empathy is a Sin: Compassion and its Counterfeits” by Joe Rigney. The very fact that dudes like Doug Wilson and Al Mohler support this book should tell you all you need to know. Part of the entire Christian Nationalism bend to do the opposite of everything Jesus did and supported. An endless “Opposites Day.”
First we have to look at what empathy actually is. Empathy according to Oxford Languages is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.
It’s what drives Romans 12:15 “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Nowhere does it say to ignore the suffering of others, or to smugly spout ‘They brought it on themselves’ or any other distancing or dismissive tactics. Folks that think empathy is a failing are exactly the type to take cheap shots at you for things you have little control over. Mark and avoid these folks because they only want to tear you down because they don’t understand anything about Romans 12. It’s always a good reminder of how we’re to live and how far from the mark guys like Joe Rigney have strayed, bless their hearts.
“A Living Sacrifice
12 I appeal to you therefore, brothers,[a] by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.[b] 2 Do not be conformed to this world,[c] but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.[d]
Gifts of Grace
3 For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned. 4 For as in one body we have many members,[e] and the members do not all have the same function, 5 so we, though many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. 6 Having gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, in proportion to our faith; 7 if service, in our serving; the one who teaches, in his teaching; 8 the one who exhorts, in his exhortation; the one who contributes, in generosity; the one who leads,[f] with zeal; the one who does acts of mercy, with cheerfulness.
Marks of the True Christian
9 Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. 10 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. 11 Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit,[g] serve the Lord. 12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. 13 Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 16 Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.[h] Never be wise in your own sight. 17 Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. 18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. 19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it[i] to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” 20 To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” 21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”