Aging Isn’t the End of the World!
It's actually just the beginning!
Getting to traipse around this place daily, Playa Grande, doesn’t hurt either!
I tell you, having a very long very hot shower in the middle of the day after a scorching hot beach walk is the greatest luxury known to mankind. Not worrying about using all the hot water because you have a heat upon demand tankless heater, and not caring how much electric it uses after stretching your body to its limits is transformative. Plus it ties into what I want to talk about – aging. Makes a nice break from all the religious and political insanity!
A few days ago I stumbled into a live stream of a YouTuber I follow where aging was being discussed. While I cannot speak to the needs of that particular community I did say that aging isn’t to be feared, it’s a gift, it’s a privilege that not everyone gets to experience. I would have expounded further because there’s a lot to unpack, address if you will, and de-stigmatize involving aging, but the moderator decided to block me from the discussion so you’re stuck with me here instead.
People on the live stream panel were sounding off about how badly aging sucks, how much the changes they were already experiencing at their relatively young age were a grim look into the future. A future in which everything would sag, and they’d lose their looks on top of the sagging everything and wrinkles. Granted these were all basically zygotes in their twenties (I joke, very badly) so what aging any of them had experienced was quite limited in scope.
I used to think that way. While I was young and feckless I used to bemoan aging, and thought that by the time I reached 30 life as I knew it was over. I’d be sitting around knitting or doing crossword puzzles and going to bed at 7:30 pm after hitting the Early Bird Special at some place like Dennys. It was kind of heart breaking to hear these young folks thinking the first wrinkle, or twinge in your knee was the end. In some ways it’s just the beginning.
What changed for me was actually starting to age, have serious health problems and realize the fullness of the life I have now even with the challenges. I’ll be 65 in a few months (just got my Medicare card in the mail!) and I am so incredibly happy and fulfilled in ways I was unable to appreciate when I was in my twenties. Why do I say this?
The nature of life is change…
Change is the only real thing we can count on during our life journey. Just like literal weather seasons so our lives all have seasons. Seasons for family, seasons for discovery of self, and just seasons where the world changes in both good and bad ways. Staying open and aware keeps us from missing what’s happening around us, and leaning into embracing that change. When I was young a woman could not have a bank account in her own name, and now we have had a woman of color run for president. We’ve had some of the oldest men as president after many years of thinking that age is a disqualifying factor. Many big societal changes have happened.
Just think of all the things that have happened for the better just in the years you’ve been on the planet. I can hardly wait to see what the future brings.
Some of your changes will be physical…
No way around this unfortunately! But it doesn’t not have to be tragic. Think of the amazing nature of your body to persevere even as it changes. Wrinkles are merely wrinkles, silver hair a different color, both are problems that can be overcome by better living through chemicals. Botox and hair color can go a long way towards ameliorating those changes, as can exercise and a host of other things. We’re living a golden age of, well, aging, where it’s not the barrier it was not so long ago.
Medical care has improved, people are living longer and much healthier lives, so we need to start adjusting our thought patterns that aging is to be embraced, not bemoaned.
When things change there is always some small benefit…
Even when the change is something like a loss of mobility from aging it’s a normal change. Embracing and dealing with your particular physical challenge will yield some surprising benefits.
At 61 I had a Thalamic stroke, now I use a cane to scuttle around. Yesterday during my beach walk as I found myself getting physically worn out I took a break from walking to sit on a fallen tree trunk by a tiny stream leading to the Pacific ocean. Quickly I realized that there were literally hundreds of tiny hermit crabs wandering around in the washed out sand canyon holding the stream. I sat in that spot watching the crabs moving around with their beautiful shells on their backs for quite some time.
My old self would have been stomping around in the surf and missed seeing the hermit crab ballet. I wouldn’t have come home and started reading about the breeding seasons of crabs. I would not have learned that they are most active during the full moon while high tide is happening.
Sometimes there is depth, richness and beauty that happens because of those physical changes that comes with aging.
Don’t miss the opportunities….
You find you don’t care about your looks like you once did
At least this was true for me. Throughout much of my life I idolized my mother, just knowing there was no way in this world I could ever measure up to her beauty standard. She was always beautiful, and she still is today in her eighties.
To be fair she puts an enormous amount of time and money into her looks. I remember as a child watching her weekly beauty shop appointments and swearing there was no way on earth I would ever waste that much time on so pointless a task in a world with trees to climb, art to make and things to experience. I haven’t either as a grown up. I saw close up the blood, sweat and tears in the way she lived and decided it was nothing I desired at all.
Ironically I always felt judged, not good enough, that I would never in any way measure up to the great beauty of my mother. So I never tried, happy to bask in the reflected glow of my mother’s beauty. As an adult I made sure in the working world to be appropriately groomed and dressed, pressed, acceptable but not standing out in any way. While I wasn’t obsessed with my looks, I sought to fit in to whatever situation I was in for that moment.
Since retirement that has all gone by the wayside. I don’t even bother with fitting in. Now it’s however I decide to costume myself for comfort, for joy, for my own personal happiness in that particular day. Head to toe turquoise clothing? Let’s do it! I don’t feel like getting dressed, so I won’t. I haven’t worn makeup beyond a lipstick or two since retirement. My silver hair is to my derriere, and I can be seen with everything from “Game of Thrones” braids to unbrushed messy bun. It’s a kind of freedom I never experienced before where there are no rules. If someone has a problem with it, or they stare, then if I’m not violating a law on bodily parts exposure it’s just that particular person’s problem, not my own.
This is quite the change from living in dread of standing out, worried that someone somewhere thinks you’re not wearing the inappropriate thing. I remember being younger and blushing in dread that I was being looked at. Now that has no power over me any longer.
Other notable parts of aging are I find that I am far more likely to speak up, to be direct when speaking up, and less likely to accept something as “we’ve always done it this way.” I know myself well enough to recognize when things are going off in a bad way. I keep tight boundaries of what is and isn’t acceptable to me. My life feels like an upgrade from everything I’ve known before.